Andrew's super-duper NinjaCulture FAQ! (circa late 2003)

This is the part of the site where I try to convince myself that this mess is actually worth something. Answering your questions comes second! NO OTHER WAY!

The most common question I get when explaining the site to other people is: What is it about?

Female Autobot Arcee looks interested. This is because she is reading NinjaCulture!

"It's one of those nostalgia places, but not done very well" - Doctor "Doc" Emmit L. Brown

Good lord. I'm a guy in my twenties and if I were to answer this question truthfully I would probably end up in a dumpster somewhere. The truth is that this is a website based on my life and the cool things that surround it. Nathan is along for the ride. It's only too bad I think that McDonald's commercials from the mid-80s are cool, and Arcee is hot. Y'know, for a robot. This isn't to say that I write about the day to day mundane shit that everyone goes through; I'll leave that to people with blogger accounts.

See, now don't you want to shove me into a dumpster? I know I do. I'm a guy stuck in my childhood; I know that some other people are too. There is at least some solace in knowing that.

Is it supposed to be funny?
Randomly italicized words and cursing isn't funny? Shit! I was just assuming you were laughing. If it's funny, that's great. But I like to think that I don't really try. The fifty spelling errors per page are kinda funny, if you think about it.

Andrew: retro pop-culture fanatic and internet superstar. Pictured above: Shawn Desman.

Nathan: Inventor of the written word. You have him to thank for this literary disaster.

Then people start to wonder, is NinjaCulture an 80s site?
NinjaCulture is a personal site. Some people called it e/n, and some people call it complete self-indulgence. I like neither. It's a personal site. Something like you'd see on Geocities but with Hollywood production value. I just so happened to grow up in the 80s and like a lot of things that come from that decade. But it's not limited to the 80s. If I find something interesting I'll probably write about it.

And then there's Nathan. While I don't really know what fuels his writing, I do know that he's actually studying to be a writer. That's a hell of a lot more than I'm doing.

Why is it that you guys never update?
While it's true that we've been known to go for a while without writing, we've always come back to the site. The site has been going for awhile, and now we're in an interesting and unique position to produce the best articles we can and know that there's an audience. So I'm looking forward to regular updates in the future. I think everyone has at one point or another needed a break from the Internet. It's wild, crazy, and full of people interested in telling you who they are fucking, and sometimes it's not a who.

Also the fact that we've only got two people writing for the site makes it hard to get an article out every week. We've gotta write around jobs, university, and life. This isn't a complaint, I love what we're doing here, but it is harder to get stuff done some weeks.

Didn't (insert better site here) cover (insert article subject here) already?
I dunno. Did they? That's cool. For awhile I was trying to write about things that no one else had on their site. This is impossible. There are far too many sites to be writing about something that no one else has that I've stopped caring about it.

Why are you so incredibly wrong, you cock-chugger!?
If you're talking about my opinions on certain things, then that's great. We shouldn't all have the same view on everything. If you're mad at a joke, send me an e-mail, but I'll probably just make fun of you anyway. If something is factually incorrect, like if I said that the Ninja Turtles were pink or some shit like that, call me on it. I like to research the crap out of my topics before I start writing, but I can still be wrong. And there's no need for that kind of language. Everyone knows I like to savor the cock.

Can I write for NinjaCulture?
No. Trying to coordinate two people on one site is enough work. In fact, there is only one other person that has written for the site besides Nathan or yours truly. I was gonna link that article here, but I think it would be more fun for you to go find it yourself. While we are open to collaborative efforts, the chances are mighty slim we'll post something that you've written.

Hey, I've got a site! Can you guys link me?
Well, that's really covered on the links page and I have no time to waste on that here.

Why didn't you link my site?
There are probably a couple of reasons, the first being that your site could very well suck. Secondly, we usually have a bunch of link swaps going at any given time, and while we haven't been pursuing this type of promotion lately, it's not the easiest list to get on anymore.

Can I get in contact with you?
Sure, just e-mail me or message me on AIM. I love hearing from people. When I get e-mails and I find out that they're not spam, it makes my day.

And this last one is for Conrad: What is up with those really bright side-bars on the new 2004 design?
They're classy, bitch.

Those are all the questions that I can think of that people have asked me. If you're into Transformers and reruns of Fresh Prince, I think we'll get along just fine. If you like pretentious talk about existentialism and critiquing fine art while wearing back turtle-necked sweaters two sizes too small, you might as well just move along because you're no fun. Doodie-head.