we get to Dinobots and all those wacky Transformers, I just
want to say that I went to see Attack of the Clones last Sunday.
Here's some helpful tips if you have not seen this film and
are planning to go:
your tickets ahead of time, that's just common sense.
you have other things to do before the movie starts, go do
them well in advance. Like, a couple of days so you'll at
least get a semi-descent seat. We, on the other hand, bought
our tickets for the 7:00 showing at 5:30. Then we drove across
the city, picked up some clothes (long story), dropped off
clothes, and then went to McDonalds to meet up with the other
people in our party. It was 6:30 by the time we got to McDonalds
and we were supposedly going to eat there. And we did. At
6:45 we realized that we were pretty screwed so we busted
out of McDonalds, got in the car, drove the block to the theater,
parked and ran another block from the car to our excruciatingly
close-to-the-screen seats, cutting through lines and trampling
over babies. I mean, it's Star Wars.
is not a good idea.
being punched in the gut several times by several guys who
know how to punch guts really well. Say, Muhammad Ali, or,
someone else. That's how I felt. The lesson of this story
is "Never run to Episode II with a gut full of McDonalds
'food'" and "Arrive at the theater with more than
15 minutes to spare if you like your neck" and I personally
like mine. Those lightsabers were as thick as my head. Now
onto "Desertion of the Dinobots"!
may have been the clumsiest, most dimwitted Transformers ever.
They were to the Autobots as Steve Urkel is to Carl Winslow.
But hey, they were the loveable, huggable Dinobots.
of the Dinobots Part 1 opens up with Autobots having, what
looks like to me, a nice day out in the park. Birds are chirping,
the sky is clear, and most importantly, there's not a Decepticon
in sight. Or is there? There sure as hell is! Infact there's
a whole plot to ruin the Autobots' fun. And who is behind
this ingenious scheme? Well, Megatron of course. Who'd you
think I was going to say? Winston Churchill?
the first few minutes have nothing to do with the rest of
the episode. Megatron tries to destroy some plans while Starscream
has epileptic seizures. The Autobots, save for Bumblebee (who
is at the fair having the time of his life riding rides with
Carly and Spike for some reason), kick Megatron's ass once
more. It's really quite trivial. So let's skip all that. All
you need to know is that an airport was pretty much demolished
because of this silly war. Can't we all just get along?
the Autobots try to rebuild the airport, everything goes wrong.
Grapple, proud of his lifting-things-and-putting-them-on-other-things
skills drops a freakin' slab of concrete and destroys a newly
rebuilt building. So what? It only took the Autobots a couple
of seconds to rebuild that building anyways. Well, you see,
putting things on other things is what Grapple does, it's
what he was made to do. Imagine his position. He's trying
to reconstruct an airport, a menial and simplistic task for
a architectural mastermind like himself. He's putting a roof
on a miscellaneous rectangular building, something that he
probably would never do back on Cybertron, but on Earth, because
of the limited resources, he'll gladly do it just to get out
of the fucking house. And then he fails. He can't even preform
this simple task. He must have been wrought with anger and
frustration, shattered and torn.
then the rest of the Transformers start screwing up too. So
apparently it's not entirely Grapple's fault. Rumble starts
to attack Megatron, Decepticons fall from the sky and Soundwave
ejects Ravage for no good reason.
Soundwave! What the crap are you doing?
Soundwave: Uhmm... Ejecting Ravage, apparently.
Megatron: What the crap for?
Soundwave: Uhmm... I have no idea.
Megatron: Well, either you stop talking in that gay
voice and keep Ravage under control or I'll... do something
really, really bad. Because that's what I do. Bad things.
Because I'm the bad guy of this freakin' show. Bad...
it turns out, every Transformer needs an element called Cybertonium
to transform, control themselves, and basically live. And
after being exposed to Earth's atmosphere for so long, their
Cybertonium has depleted and they are in great need for more.
The problem is that Cybertonium is pretty hard to come by
on Earth. Infact the only place in the galaxy that has any
is, yes that's right, Cybertron. Personally, if I needed Cybertonium
to live, I'd make sure to know about it before I really needed
it. Maybe write it down on a notepad or something. But the
Autobots seem to have little to no knowledge of this life
Decepticons have no worries, all they have to do is take a
short trip back to Cybertron over their nifty space bridge.
The Autobots realize this and get all gung-ho about hijacking
the Decepticons shipment of Cybertonium but by this time,
they can't even move. Are the Autobots screwed? Will they
ever be able to move again? Of course. But how?
decides to be useful and suggests that since the Dinobots
were built on Earth they don't need Cybertonium and that they
would still be working at full capacity. However, the Dinobots
took off earlier in the episode. In a fit of anger, Grimlock
decides, like he always does, that he doesn't want to work
for Prime and the Autobots anymore, and the rest of the Dinobots
follow his lead. Only this time Wheeljack isn't there to convince
them with, "Yes you do want to work for the Autobots."
and they manage to escape. In my opinion, I think the Dinobots
are just angry because they're locked up in a closet 95% of
the time. I know I would be.
a long and arduous 5 second search, the Dinobots are tracked
down and convinced that it would probably be a good idea if
they stole some of that sweet, sweet Cybertonium from the
Decepticons. But instead of actually stealing the Cybertonium
they find themselves entering the space bridge and ending
up back on Cybertron. My oh my. What a mess the Autobots are
in now. Spike and Carly follow them to Cybertron but not before
a stop back at Autobot HQ where Sparkplug gives Spike a 'thumb-communicator'
so they can keep in touch for a low low rate of 5 cents a
minute while Spike is on Cybertron.
Spike and Carly arrive on Cybertron Shockwave is there to
greet them with a blaster to the face! And since this is a
two-parter, that's the cliff hanger. Did they die? Continue
on to part 2 to find out!