| Hello
and welcome to another NinjaCulture article. An article that
will surely send thousands and thousands of flaming
fanboys to my inbox. But I have a reason and explanation as
to why I decided to combine the two seperate articles, "My
favorite things from Star Wars" and "My favorite
things from Star Trek" into one. That reason is that
I'm lazy and I didn't feel like thinking about how Data got
so much action in bed. That's second only to how much action
Luke got from his sister. Granted it wasn't much, but what
if Yoda hadn't set the pieces of the puzzle infront of him?
Now you begin to see what happens when I set my brain on one
topic too long. Bad happens. Also I didn't bother proofreading
or spellchecking this just for kicks.
So
let's get started shall we?
Q
Q
is one badass motherfucker. Well, maybe he isn't but he does
like torturing the crew of the Enterprise quite alot, which
I'm always for. He first appeared on the very first episode
of Star Trek: The Next Genereation and made stops in along
their 7 season run. Part of the Q continuum, Q can do anything
he wants and go awnywhere he wants with a snap of his fingers.
That's class. Imagine him at a party. With a snap of his fingers
he'd have all the ladies and be the life of everyones night!
Even Seanbaby can't do that, not quite.
Yoda
He's
small. He's green. But he proved himself in Attack of the
Clones. Throughout the original trilogy he was hailed as a
Jedi Master but you never saw him do anything but piss Luke
off, make some crappy food, and die after 900 years. If that's
what a Jedi Master does then sign me up baby! I would love
to sit on my ass, annoy people and get payed for it.
Right now we're making approximately Jack shit off of this
site. You can help us by buying us nice things. Just look
under the autions section for details.</self promotion>
Anyways,
even though I had heard that Yoda busted out in Episode II
before I had seen it happen (thanks alot Matt), I still needed
a fresh pair of pants afterwards. And we were about an hour
and a half away from home! Ha ha! Sucks to be the other people
in the car!
The
Jedi Boomstick
When
you get right down to it, a Jedi is just a guy with a stick
made out of light that can cut through flesh quite good. It's
a sword, it's a shield, the Lightsaber is the ultimate fighting
tool. Infact without the Lightsaber, all the Jedi would be
running into battle with nothing but their robes. And then
they'd die. The force doesn't protect against stupidity. Even
it believes in natural selection.
Replicators
I
have mixed feelings about the replicator. Why did I include
here then? Well, on the one hand, I think having whatever
I wanted, whenever I wanted (of course then my whole life
would be pretty much like Wierd Science), but on the other
hand, it abolishes all money. Why is that such a bad thing?
One simple reason. eBay would cease to exist and my life long
career plan as a professional eBay power seller would vanish
along with it. But back on the plus side, I could have a replicator
installed in my buttocs and literally pull things out of my
ass.
Last
Minute Escapes
One
plot device that has been used over and over again in Star
Trek is the "transportation beyond the last second"
plot device. What the hell am I talking about? Let's say you
have an away team over on another ship. The other ship is
about explode and the transporter chief is having problems
bringing the away team back. The other ship does explode but
somehow, through wacky pattern buffers and magic, the away
team comes back in one piece. That is the "transportation
beyond the last second" plot device. I'm not sure how
many times they did this on TNG but my current count is 1752,
which is approximately 10 times per episode.
First
Contact Chocolate Bars
Back
in 1996 Paramount Pictures released an even numbered Trek
movie, so it didn't suck. They used chocolate bars as a promotional
tool. The bars came in 6 limited edition collectable wrappers.
I'm pretty sure paramount uses the word "collectable"
and "limited edition" in the loosest sense possible.
Sure you could collect the wrappers, but end the end
you just have six old chocolate bar wrappers from 1996. And
they were about as "Limited Edition" as the Ford
LTD.
Here
is an actual transcript of what happened when I found out
about these Trek chocolate bars:
Nathan:
Hey, they have First Contact chocolate bars.
Andrew: I must have them.
Nathan: You do know that they're just a promotional
tool that will make you want to go see the movie. They probably
laced the chocolate with some sort of drug... like crack.
Andrew: That's a bonus!
I must have them.
So
I ended up getting all six wrappers and as you can see, I
still have them. But I didn't go see the movie in the theaters!
Ha ha! Suckaz!
This
is the end of another article filled with it's own set of
plot holes and errors. I know I talked alot more about Trek
than Wars and I'll make it up to you in the future, I swear.
That's more Trek than I'm willing to put on any site. |
