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I/O STREAM BOOTLEG!
Get the new I/O Stream super hit here!

by Andrew - October 16, 2002

Since the early 80's I/O Stream, the forgotten founders of Hip-Hop and modern 'grammin' gangsta rap, have been rapping and ryhming there way into our hearts and groins. With thier continuing release of online hits the answer to the question "will they ever be stopped?" remains a resounding no.

Canadian Tire Matt, who wishes to remain anonymous, leaked the latest I/O Stream Super hit to us here at NinjaCulture. And we being the upright citizens that we are, we're gonna post it. So just click below to download it! (we apologize about the quality)

DOWNLOAD I/O STREAM UNRELEASED SUPER HIT "CODIN' IT UP"

And now an extremely fictitious Behind the Music bonus!

From thier rise to fame and subsequent ass kicking, these two programmers from the tough streets of Southern Manitoba have had to pay thier dues, of success.

Behind the Music: I/O Stream


With thier edgy lyrics and outright social commentary, I/O Stream has taken the world by storm these past three decades. But how were they able to hold on to thier code without it slipping through to black slurry of rotten manure below?

It all started back in 1971 when, at age 30, Conrad "SerialC00L" (no last name) was born. Coming from a home without electricity, Conrad decided to take his life elsewhere, living on the street for months at a time. When finally landing a programming job at the nefarious Microsoft Corperation, he didn't know that the cold hand of evil had just wrapped it's devilish digits around his throat, causing him to suffocate under the corperate rule of Bill Gates.

Mc Jackswitch "Cappin'" a fish

Conrad got a his first breath of fresh air when in the fall of 1983, after programming in Windows for 12 years, he met MC Jackswitch for the first time at a bar in the sleazy, red-light district of Winkler, Manitoba.

MC was a typical DOS programmer. Already known in the programming world for not being able to count past 256, he was the perfect yin for Conrad's yang. The two hit if off and signed a multi-million contract with the European record company "Übermusik-haus". Being affiliated with the german record company, Conrad officially changed his name to Konrad as per the Übermusik-haus executives orders. Thus the beginning of I/O Stream.

The two were unstoppable, explicit and resonate. Touring with the likes of Kraftwerk and David Hasselhoff, the relentless grip of drugs and parties showed no remorse for the two young stars.

Kraftwerk: Ja, ve are Kraftverk. Ja, ve vere with zee I/O Stream. Zey vere alvays "parting it up" and cursing to zee point of insanity. I just stayed home and vorked on my beats, ja.

There hit single off of thier debut album, "C What I Mean?" went platnum worldwide as impatient programmers identified with having to wait for thier source to compile. Though the pie of impatience may have a tasty, flakey crust, it's fatty and deadly.

Through most of the 80's, the pair showed no sign of slowing down. The drugs, the language, the attitude, and the girls seemed to get wilder with every passing, agonizing second. Some had speculated that they had lost thier true motive for forming the group.

SC: Our goal is to take some of these timid programmers, and scare the crap out of them.

MC: We mainly aim at non-programmers who aren’t as timid, and try to convert them to our fast-paced way of life, and choose DOS as the OS of choice.

SC: And make the timid ones crap themselves!

They chose the DOS as thier OS of choice. But could it have been the only smart choice they made in the late 80's?

By the early 90's the band had burned out. MC Jackswitch was appearing less and less as Konrad stumbled through lyrics and ryhmes as though he was Vanilla Ice. Cars and guitars weren't enough for these two gangsta rappers anymore. Thier addictions were taking a hold of them like a pirhana on a severed limb.

Then the cold hammer of tragedy struck the band like a galvanized nail. MC Jackswitch had died from a 'grammin' overdose on January 21st, 1992. He was found at his computer, finger tips bleeding with millions of lines of code on the screen. Not two days before did thier German record company drop them. But the bird of luck would crap on them once again.

In a strange twist of fate and bird shit, the program that MC Jackswitch had just finished coding was one to ressurect the dead. Fortunately he died while pressing the compile button and was quickly restored back to health a few minutes after he was found dead. This signified a sweeping change in the band. Focussing all of thier energy they would be using for drugs and women into cursing and programming.

In 1995 they launched on thier fourth World Tour and thier own record label simultaniously.

While in Japan preforming "Operation Disk" to a crowd of 14 thousand, a clown in the audience started heckling the duo. The clown later turned out to be Ronald McDonald, international terrorist and drug Czar. This wind of hot air fueled the fires of hate for years to come.

Rumors started flooding Usenets of secret unreleased I/O Stream tracks aimed against the McDonalds Corperation. The now famous "(explitive deleted) McDonalds" and "(explitive deleted) (explitive deleted) Ronald (explitive deleted)" tracks were never officially released by I/O Stream but the general consensus is that they are infact I/O Stream material.

After thier successful 7-year world tour, the two gangsta rappas went back into the studio to record thier 53rd album.

Through the 20 years the world has enjoyed I/O Stream, they've had their share of rollercoaster ups and downs. Thier explicit lyrics show no signs of slowing down like a congested highway. They have proven that they can withstand even death, and that's what it's all about, not dying.

MC Jackswitch: We are I/O Stream, famous gangsta rappas...

Andrew
AIM: Terrahawk X
E-Mail: [email protected]

sexsexworld, HuffinandPuffin.com, Bandwidth Theater

Smirnoff Ice wooooooo.

Related Articles:

I/O Stream Interview!

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