| These
days, it's become increasingly obvious to even the least internet-savvy
folks that the internet is full of theft. More and more people
are online daily, plagiarising articles, 'borrowing' quotes,
stealing images, and sharing the 'warez' that all the kids
are into. In fact, anything that ends in a Z is definitely
stolen. How can you and I, the average internet user, avoid
having all our grand ideas and website content stolen by these
heartless intenet thieves?
Simple!
Come up with really horrible ideas! As a test, I propose the
following products/inventions. If all goes well, they should
be so bad that no sane person should even want to steal
them. Such as:
[1]
Clarify the titles on the James Bond movies!
I've
found that renting a movie with everyone's favorite super-spy
is a chore. None of them have any kind scheme to make the
names similar, and some video store employees that aren't
paying attention to detail (read: all of them) may seperate
the videos on the shelves. Thusly, I propose that the parent
company re-release the entire series, but this time, preface
all the titles with "James Bond"! Some examples
include;
- James
Bond vs. Doctor No
- James
Bond's View to a Kill
- James
Bond Lives and Lets Die
- James
Bond Meets Goldfinger
It'd
be sure to go over well. I mean, look at how much everyone
loved this
renaming job!
[2]
Make Special Edition novels!
The
buzz and furor over everyone's favorite format, DVD, is only
increasing. Filmmakers have found that they can tailor their
movies to their liking, include deleted scenes, and even provide
insightful running commentaries, all on one disc. Why, then,
should writers be denied this flexibility?
Consider,
then, the Special Edition Novel: It could include deleted
chapters, alternate endings, stylishly designed tables of
contents, and of course - a running commentary by the authors
themselves! Check it out!
"When
the wolf appeared, Ayla heard sounds of agitation and alarm
from the ledge in front of the cave
(that part of the sentence took a while to write. I wanted
to get across that the people on the ledge were alarmed, but
I also wanted to show that they were shifting about anxiously.
I couldn't just write "shifting about anxiously"
though, so it was a struggle)
-
if it could be called a cave. She'd never seen one quite
like it. (I was really concerned that readers might find
this part unintentionally funny, but when we ran this by the
test audiences they were totally into it.)"
-exerpted from "The Shelters of Stone" by Jean M.
Auel
The
author's witty and insightful comments can only make today's
books even stronger and more attractive to non-readers who
are thinking of switching to this format!
[3]
LPlayer, the Portable Record Player!
Let's
face it: retro crap is in again, and we all have records we
want to hear while we're on the road (my personal choice is
the James Last Super Party Pac! Continuous Dancing!!). Enter
the LPlayer - with only 16 AA batteries you can experience
up to 1 hour of nonstop excitement! Amazing No-Skip(tm) Skip
Protection provides No Skip Protection! Relive the classics
in a fantastic "old" "school" style. Experience
every crack, hiss, and pop of the original album! Digitally
remastered CDs are for sissies!
Well,
that about does it! I'm positively brimming with terrible
ideas but I'm just gonna wait on these a bit. Keep an eye
on your local video store and just see if you don't find yourself
looking at a copy of "James Bond Rather Likes A Girl
That Was Sent From Russia With Love". |
