| You've
undoubtedly been hearing about a crazy website called "Magic
Story Time", lately. I've been hearing about it too,
and it certainly seems to be taking the internet by surprise
and storm, simultaneously.
But
is it actually any good? Or is it just another overhyped,
short-lived phenomenon? Is it on its way out, like Slashdot,
or here to stay, like All Your Base? Let's take a deeper look.
First,
the general look of the place isn't bad. The blues are nice
and everything seems laid out fairly well. What bothered me
at first, though, was this-
I
mean, Kirby is cool and everything, but does he have to be
everywhere? For some reason the people behind this site just
went crazy and put him all over the place. I enjoyed Kirby
Steals a Hat for the NES as much as the next person but this
seems to border on obsession.
The
site itself seems to hinge on stories, so I read through a
couple of them and let me tell you; not only are they outlandishly
silly and borderline idiotic, half the time the author hasn't
even gone through the trouble to make them readable. Here's
an exerpt from one, with the not-terribly-clever title "On
Her Majesty's Secret Stash":
"So
the spy continued to look. Unfortunately he heard a voice
behind him that he knew was his greatest arch villain enemy!!
The voice said "Hello spy! You are looking for the
plans for the CYBODOG but you cannot have them because I
have them and you are going to die! Ha ha ha ha!" He
continued to laugh for a while. He stopped for a bit and
then he said "Also you are going to die because of...and
this is a special ironic part...THE CYBODOG!""
'Greatest
Arch Villain Enemy'? Sounds like something a three-year-old
would write. The dialogue is laughable, and overall the whole
thing looks like it was written by Miguel.
A
glance over another story, "Ninja BBQ", confirmed
this. See for yourself:
"There
was only one thing that was odd about this neighborhood!
It was populated entirely by NINJAS! That is correct! Now
you might be saying "what are Ninjas doing living in
a perfectly normal and slightly upscale neighborhood?"
Well Ninjas have their own special ways and I for one am
not inclined to describe any of them."
This
is just sad. Instead of even trying to create some
sort of background or mythos for this story, the author just
takes the easy way out and basically says "never mind
how they got there". The rest of the stories, while occasionally
written with a higher standard, are cliched or just bizarre.
Creepy dolls, superheroes with poetry powers, and mosquitoes
bent on world domination? No thank you.
So
far I was unimpressed. When even the most basic content on
a site is as slapped-together as this seems to be, you know
you're in for trouble. I moved along to check out the comics.
First up: The Zany Adventures of Jabba the Hutt. Now, I'm
a bit of a Star Wars fan, but I really wasn't sure what to
expect. I ended up with stuff like this -
Okay,
what?! First off, "Jabba", if that's supposed
to be him, never just wanders around the city, especially
not any of our cities. Second, this one looks way too
happy, and third - since when does Jabba the Hutt know Japanese?!
Come on. I'm no Star Wars expert or anything, but even a little
bit of research by the author would have gone a long way into
making a much better comic. Hardcore Star Wars fans should
definitely avoid these, as over the course of the comics,
"Jabba" partakes in many non-Star-Wars adventures
like playing arcade games, purchasing sweaters, and travelling
through time.
The
other ongoing comic series on the site is called "The
Dark One's Saga" and features a mysterious and seemingly
powerful being that is forced to find a job on our earth.
This was actually quite tolerable and I'm interested to see
where the author goes with this premise. Of minor significance
is the fact that the character designs and art style seem
to change with nearly every episode, but I assume that the
author knows what they're doing here.
The
rest of the site is a jumble of ideas and bizarre anecdotes
about Flaming Chickens or somesuch, but the final insult to
my intelligence came from the "Magic Story Time - Year
One" section. This overblown retrospective was loaded
with lies about the history of the site, as well as obviously
fake 'fan mail'. I mean, he claims that RoboCop emailed him!
Last time I checked, RoboCop was a fictional character.
After
this I basically gave up on the site. Fad or not, it's got
the collective intelligence of a toaster, and except for one
or two redeeming features, it's gonna need a lot of
work to make it worth anyone's time.
Related
Links
- Magic
Story Time (but, y'know, I can't really recommend
it)
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