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Watch this movie and YOU'LL GO MAD! ha ha ha!

by Andrew - July 3, 2002

Being that it's two and a half years since everyone thought the world was going to blow up, and that certainly didn't happen, the world is long due for an apocalypse, and it shows. Some signs I've been noticing are increased government security, the microchip I found in my forehead while shaving (IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE!) and the fact that, yes, I'm writing up a CMF Review. So if, while taking a walk (or whatever middle-america does these days), you see four horsemen, hand the couple of beers and then duck and cover because it's going to be one hell of a ka-motherfucking-boom.

Another thing of note: For many centuries (more like 2 years) Nathan and I strived to find the worts crappy movies in our fair town. We have succeeded somewhat in what could only be described as total farout rockage. We set up strict guidelines to adhere to. First rule of CMF, there is no CMF. Second rule of CMF, We are confined to our sides of the couch, etc, etc. One rule explicitly stated that we were to rent movies without obviously crappy actors on the cover. As it turns out Burt Reynolds was specifically cited in that rule, and this time around (like almost every other time) we threw the rule book out the window and rented THE MADDENING starring the illustrious and kiniving Burt Reynolds.

THE MADDENING stars Mia Sara (Timecop) as a mother upset with her husband, David (Biran Wimmer), for not having enough time for her and thier daughter, Samantha (Kayla Buglewicz). After a fight with David, the mother, Cassie, takes Samantha and leaves thier Californian home on a crazy cross country road trip to her sisters house in Florida. Everything was going well until a stop at a backwater gas station somewhere in Florida where they meet Roy Scudder (Burt Reynolds).

At first glance Roy seems to be a nice fellow just trying to help a lady out. But anything more than a glance reveals Roy's true nature. He's fucking nuts. Not only does he cut some sort of important fluid line in Cassie's car, he kidnaps Cassie and her daughter and takes them home to his wife, Georgia (Angie Dickenson) who is even more insane and immediately mistakes the duo for her long lost sister and niece. Roy then locks Cassie and Samantha in different rooms and destroys Cassies car. Like I said, fucking nuts.

Now that you've got that basic idea of what's going on, let's take a look back at what's going on at the homefront. David, the husband, tries to clean up the mess he made whilst dueling it out with Cassie. As he's cleaning up he cuts himself and starts bleeding all over the place. Smooth Dave, smooth. Now what would happen if a cop were to show up, huh? You're wife's not around, the whole nieghborhood knows that you two have been on the outs recently, and with all that blood on the floor? Well, let's put it this way, it doesn't look good.. if a cop show up that is.

And that's exactly what happened. A cop came a knockin'. A cop by the name of Chicky Ross (Josh Mostel).

Look at him. Just look at him. In movies, there's something called "setting the rules". It's basically means that for a particular film, things can or can't happen. Take Star Wars for example, there is sound in space in Star Wars. In reality there isn't any sound in space but in the Star Wars universe there is. In The Maddening they want you to believe that Mr. Policeman Chicky Ross here is infact an officer of the law. I'm sorry, I can't make that leap. I can accept sound in space but I can't accept the fact that this man is an officer. That's asking too much.

Of course he jumps to the conclusion that Dave killed Cassie. David's case isn't helped much by his nieghbor that informs Mr. Ross that she saw Dave and Cassie fighting. Apparetly she likes to watch other people in thier homes. Isn't that some kind of offence? Apparently not. Not in Chicky Ross' books anyways.

Do you know how close I came to actually breaking down in the last paragraph and admitting that he could quite possibly be a cop? Well, closer than you think. Then I saw the above picture again. I distinctly remember saying "What the crap!" during that scene. That's not his sandwich he's holding, oh no. He stole it! That doesn't sound much like a cop to me. And he's eating it right in the victims face with such contempt and enjoyment! What an ass!

Back to the Action! Ah yes, there's Roy and Georgia: Loony couple. By this time in the film they've both completely lost it. He's seeing visions of his dead father and she's even more convinced that Cassie and Samantha are infact her long lost sister and niece. I can't say they're the most stable couple in the world, and I would say they have one thing going for them but being nuts isn't really the pro I was looking for.

The ending? Well, you're just going to have to rent this monstrosity yourself to find out. But it basically goes like this, they get away.

This review, such as it was since we watched this movie over a month a go, IS OVER!


Bonk! Ha ha ha!

AIM: Terrahawk X
E-Mail: andrew@ninjacultr.com

JASONRIVERA.COM, Stomp Tokyo (stole the pictures from them but don't tell them that)

E-mail still broken, use andrew@ninjacultr.com.

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