For
most people, the "Let's Up the Edgy-Factor"
trend in videogames began with American McGee's Alice,
a dark, disturbed - and not entirely bad, all things
considered - third-person actioner set in the Alice
In Wonderlandiverse. The emphasis in the hype for
this game was on how distinctly 'edgy' and 'twisted'
it was, but the developers probably didn't realize
that they were jumping on the edgy bandwagon pretty
late. About three years too late, to be exact.
The
dark, disturbing product that beat them to the punch?
None other than Digital Design's Santa Slayer.
The
readme file included with the freeware demo of the
game does not include any kind of backstory, and the
publisher's website seems to have disavowed all knowledge
of its existance, so that means I get to make it up.
Apparently, you play as Santa, whose base of operations
at the North Pole has been overrun by flying Mecha-Santas
packing shotguns. On top of that, the normally sedate
and pleasant elves that staffed your little industry
of cheer have had their minds altered somehow, and
now they pack both heat and a rather nasty case of
the "I want to shoot Santa"-s.
But
what events could have brought about this catastrophe?
It seems to me that the only corporation powerful
enough to fund and organize a direct assault against
Santa HQ would of course have to be Kanzaki Heavy
Industries. You may have known their name from when
they invented Shin-Tostuu, the Talking Toaster - a
household fixture across Japan.
"Ohayo! Nanashi no nihon no michi no kado
ni imasu!!"*
It
seems that in the late sixties, Kanzaki H.Ind. made
an offer to purchase Santa's factory and modernize
the operation substantially - but at the cost of many
elf jobs. Santa refused, and even went so far as to
insult the President of Kanzaki. How, exactly, is
not certain, but it was a move that was not forgotten.
In light of that information, then, it seems only
natural to come to the conclusion that they are directing
a full-scale assault some thirty years later as a
complicated form of revenge.
Thus
it is up to Santa to defend his North Pole Action
Base with Rotating Radar Dish (sold seperately) from
the onslaught of both sinister robotic copies of himself,
and his own elves gone mad. Santa is not unprepared,
however, and is himself wielding dual-revolvers and
piloting a state-of-the-art sleigh that is loaded
to the gills with missiles of all flavors.
The
game is similar in style to Descent, and also reminiscient
of Duke Nukem 3D, largely because nearly all of the
sound effects are stolen from the latter. With the
exception of Elves' shrieks of pain, which seem to
have been lifted from Earthworm Jim, if memory serves.
The object is to fly around a smallish, rectangular
piece of real estate while mercilessly blowing away
the Mecha-Santas and Elves. When you have defeated
them all, and hover over the now-empty landscape in
triumph, it...stays that way. Nothing special whatsoever
occurs and you are simply expected to restart the
game if you want more excitement.
There
is also a Multiplayer component to the game, apparently,
but at press time this feature was untested. It is
then recommended that this feature be employed only
at the user's peril.
All
in all this game is entertaining for about the time
it takes you to hunt down everyone in the map. Once
you've emptied the place out the first time, though,
the excitement-factor is downgraded exponentially
on each further re-attempt. Still, you can't beat
the edginess of this game with a stick. Santa shooting
the elves with revolvers? Come on.
To
conclude, my gift to you - the unwholesomeness that
is the Santa Slayer
Freeware Demo, available for download right here.
(1.19mb) Revel in the Edginess!
SLAY
YOUR WAY BACK TO NINJACULTURE
(FROM
ABOVE) *I'm told this translates as "Good Morning!
I am the corner of two nameless streets!" Just
one of the many seemingly meaningless but unfathomably
deep philosophical quotations that Shin-Tostuu will
enlighten you with while you await your breakfast.
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