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Warner Brothers cartoons are probably the hardest
thing to write about. It's because they're so good
with no inherent flaws for me to point and laugh at.
Each animation is so well crafted, especially for
the time, that it's really hard to find something
wrong. Or maybe it's just because I'm unhealthily
enamored with them that I can't see any faults. And
since all I know how to do is point out the short
comings of things and make mildly amusing observations,
I've never even thought of mentioning Bugs or Tweety
on the site before.
That's
until I decided to do this damn 12 days of Christmas.
Oi!
Flying
a Tasmanian Devil over the North Pole is no way to
spend Christmas Eve, but it is one way to
get a Tasmanian Devil mistaken for Santa. Let me explain:
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NinjaCulture
Science Corner
with Regenald VelJohnson!
Many
of you may think that you cannot dry
anything outside at the North Pole due
to the extreme cold. Wouldn't it just
freeze? The answer: Yes, but your clothes
still dry through the process of sublimation.
It's a magical process developed by
many Canadian scientists in the late
1970s. I know this because I'm a cop.
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The
cartoon starts at the North Pole with Mrs. Claus telling
Santa that his clothes are not yet dry. They also
establish that Mrs. Claus' first name is Martha. I'm
not sure how valid that is; maybe I don't know my
Christmas lore well enough. However, I've never heard
that her name is Martha. One theory of mine is that
because when Mel Blanc says "Martha!", it
sounds classic. Yes, classic. Things can sound classic,
dammit. Unless all this is actually true, then I'm
just making a fool of myself.
All
this sequence is supposed to do is set up that Santa
has his suit hanging out to dry, and that it's Christmas
Eve.
Meanwhile,
thousands of feet above the North Pole, a special
"Fly by Night Air Freight" plane flies overhead.
It's cargo? One Tasmanian Devil. The pilots state
that the Tasmanian Devil has been subdued with a tranquilizer.
This
is where we learn that no tranquilizers can keep Taz
down, and then he proceeds to drill a hole through
the bottom of the plane and fall, but not before grabbing
a parachute. Okay, so I lied. He grabs the parachute
after he jumps. That's gotta be the most
insane thing anyone has ever done. Look for it on
next week's Fear Factor hosted by the guy
who played Joe on NBCs hit sitcom News Radio.
So
Taz falls to Earth and, let's say, he falls into Santa's
pants. Of course there are a few more steps to it
than that. One doesn't just fall into Santa's pants
directly when in a cartoon. There's bound to be a
sequence events, and there was. But you're
just gonna have to watch it for yourself. I ain't
givin' away shit.
Looking
as bewildered as ever, Taz ends up in Santa's sleigh
and looking terrible, but I should lay off the guy.
If you just fell 2000 feet, put on a pair of Santa
pants at mach two, and found yourself face
first in a herd of reindeer ass, you'd look about
the same. I'd say Taz is doing pretty good here.
That's
when the reindeer took off and Taz is in the role
of defacto Santa. Now I'm starting to get worried.
I don't want no Tasmanian devil goin' down my chimney!
Back
at the Bunny homestead, Bugs is reading "Twas
the night before Christmas" to his nephew Clyde.
And how appropriate it is that Taz lands on the roof
just as Bugs reaches the appropriate part story. Taz
stumbles down a chimney like a drunken hobo into a
food kitchen on Christmas Day. Oh what warm memories
the season brings.
Now,
let me tell you something about Bugs Bunny. He's nobody's
fool. Mr. T would be proud. Bugs always knows what's
going on and, as if by magic, always knows what the
best way to resolve said situation, usually by not
letting anyone know that he knows that a ruse is a
foot. Bugs offers Taz some milk and cookies which
he devours with extreme prejudice. Then Bugs reads
off Clyde's Christmas list. Let's take a look at it
shall we?
- A
solid gold football
- A
trip to Venus
- Ten
tickets to the World Series
- A
hockey team (world championship quality)
- A
carrot farm in the south pacific
- A
stereo
- A
TV
- A
controlling interest in IBM
- Subscription
to the comic book of the month club
- Frank
Sinatra's old address book
- Twin
Ferrari's with custom plates
- A
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde chemical set
- Jet
roller-skate
- A
second hand diamond
- A
laser light show
and,
on and on and on. Damn, I was never this bad when
I was a kid. I don't think I was this bad when I was
a kid. I might've been this bad. Probably was. Was
definitely worse.
During
the whole time Bugs is ready off Clyde's Christmas
list, Taz is injuring himself on various objects.
Let's take a look at that.
After
all these injuries Taz decides that he wants a present
for himself, and being a resourceful guy he is, he
heads towards the Christmas tree, picks a present
and tries to leave.
Bugs
isn't having any of this, and knowing that Taz'll
most likely eat his present, he gives him
something a bit more filling, a self-inflating
rubber life-raft. I doubt Taz can read, so he just
eats it with gleeful abandon. As per the label, the
raft inflates and Taz floats away. THE END? Not quite.
Clyde
is very unhappy that 'Santa' is gone and he got nothing.
Bugs assures him when they return Santa's sleigh,
which is still on the roof, Santa will let him have
his choice of toys. THE END.
So,
what did I think of this Christmas yarn? It was good,
as all Merrie Melodies are. Y'know, I don't think
I can think of a bad one. Some that traumatized me
as a child? Yes, definitely, but they were well done.
Not bad for being only six and a half minutes long.
FLY
BACK TO NINJACULTURE!
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