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Link with this!
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We've hit bottom and started to dig.

by Nathan - June 15, 2002

As I mentioned in part one, the only good way to ensure that your ideas aren't stolen is to have really bad ones. And so far, since I haven't seen any "James Bond Has A Licence To Kill" movies yet, my hypothesis seems to be intact.

Well today I intend to continue with this line of reasoning. More bad ideas abound!

[4] Knee Shorts!

When it comes to Short Pant technology, we've seen nearly everything. Regular shorts, long shorts, trunks, pants that turn into shorts, and shorts that turn into pants. But where oh where are the Knee Shorts? The general trend is to properly protect the upper portion of the leg and leave the rest out in the cold. Well, I propose we merely reverse that, as seen above, and voila! The kids will have something stylish to wear while listening to the bands like "Licking Park" and "Deaf Zeppelin" on their stereos.

[5] Key Your Car!

A lot of people out there have really nice cars these days. I of course am not one of those people. But many other people have rather nice cars, and do you know what they do? They can't enjoy them. They lie awake at night worrying. Worrying that some punk is just gonna waltz into their neighborhood and 'key' their cars up. Now, to the layman, this term might imply something unintelligible! But it actually is quite simple. The act of 'keying' a car means to take a key or other sharp object and scratch up the paint on the nearest or shiniest car available.

So owners of nice cars can only lie there in sleepless torment, wondering when it will happen to them. But no more! By offering to initite the keying at their request and under their supervision, for a small fee they can just get it over with and finally get some sleep at night. Just wear the above (or similar) sign by a freeway or major thoroughfare, and before you know it, you'll be making money hand over fist, and keying the crap out of all kinds of nice cars.

[6] Creative's EAX Software!

Okay, I'm gonna state right off the bat that a.)I did not come up with this and b.)this has already been invented. But I just felt that it needed to be showcased along with other horrible ideas and brought to the public's attention.

Environmental Audio was a cheap attempt by Creative to add "lifelike sound" to various PC games. Gamers could load up presets included with the software and add spiffy reverb effects and tiny sound tweaks to their favorite games and make them more immersive overall. Sounds great, right? It might have been were it not for the fact that it was hideously unstable.

That's right. In fact, over the last few years I have found that most games run better without it, and some are simply unplayable with it on (Drakan and Baldur's Gate come to mind). So congratulations go to Creative for making something so useless it gets showcased with retarded ideas that don't even exist. Take that.


This concludes the second installment of Really Terrible Ideas. For some reason I just focus on horrible ideas while I'm at work, so stay tuned for future installments.


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